Valentine’s Day is around the corner, the grocery store shelves are filled with heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, flowers with little Cupids, and those small school Valentine’s… but what if Cupid’s arrows turned out to be poisoned-tipped? What if you’re getting divorced?
For even the steadiest of relationships, Valentine’s Day can prove to be a minefield of good intentions gone bad, the wrong thing said or gifted, or a tacit agreement to play it low-key or skip it (especially when it falls on a weeknight, with work and school in the morning) or ignored by one partner. In a relationship that’s either fraying (thinking of divorce or separation) or fully ruptured (in the process of an adversarial divorce), it can loom as a day of nightmare emotions.
If you and your so-called “forever Valentine” aren’t in love anymore— or even getting along anymore— let us suggest several ways to reclaim Valentine’s Day in a time of divorce:
If you’re a mom who doesn’t have the kiddos that night, you could reclaim it as a “Galentine’s Day.” Like in the sitcom Parks & Rec that happens the night before Valentine’s Day, bend the T.V. rules a little, gather up some fellow female friends, and head out for a drink and dinner—or whatever will take your mind off your divorce. Having friends around can combat the loneliness of the holiday. Or, if that’s not your speed, gift yourself a quiet night in. With takeout food, a glass of wine, tunes from Spotify, and a bubble bath, who needs Valentine’s Day?!
If you’re a dad who doesn’t have the kiddos that night, you could go out with a bunch of guy friends. Maybe a sci-fi movie or a sports bar or a casino, the point is hanging out with the guys. If staying low-key is more in your lane, indulge in what you never get to do: videogames or old movies or just tinkering with a hobby, make it a night for yourself.
If you’re a mom who has the kiddos that night, make Valentine’s Day about them. Yes, it’s a romantic holiday, but it’s also about the joy of love, so celebrate your love for your children. That doesn’t have to mean a gift or chocolates, though it could. You could let them do something they’ve been wanting to do for a while, like go to an indoor play park or stay up a little later with you and watch a favorite movie. It could mean breakfast-for-dinner or camping out in the living room. Whatever it is, Valentine’s Day can celebrate the family you have, the family you love.
If you’re a dad who does have the kiddos that night, also turn the tables and celebrate them. Whether it’s cooking their favorite meal or taking them to the diner for dinner, whether it’s watching a favorite show together or playing with Legos or a game night, celebrate the love you have for your children.
Valentine’s Day during a divorce may feel strange and melancholy, but it doesn’t have to be. While there will be other amorous Valentine’s Days in your future, think outside the box on this one, and it may wind up being a memorable Valentine’s Day after all.