Boo! Divorce During the Spooky Season

If you have kids, you get it: Halloween is a big deal. Spooky season— which, according to retailers, somehow begins before Labor Day— is a much bigger deal than when you were growing up. It lasts longer, and there are more events, more planning, more costs— more Halloween.

But what if you’re going through a divorce during the lead up to Halloween? Grab a mug of pumpkin spice coffee, because we’re going to give you some tips on how to deal with divorce and effectively co-parent during the spooky season.

Level-set Halloween Expectations

This can be tough for kids, but it goes for you and your co-parent as well. Everyone wants the Halloween season to be super fun— costumed parades, scary movies, haunted hayrides, and more— but it’s important to be realistic about what can be enjoyed, especially when you factor in school, homework, sports, extracurricular activities and more. Plus, adding in the divorce process means this Halloween season won’t be the same: one co-parent may miss out on things, the trick-or-treat route may be different this year. Being honest with expectations can help you have a good Halloween and keep the holiday in perspective.

Plan Now

Like most aspects of co-parenting, time is your friend. Addressing which kid wants to wear what costume with enough time to order, create or locate the right costume will lead to less stress in the long run. Determining which co-parent gets to handle the costume parade at school or the after school or evening trick-or-treating duties or the town festivities in advance can save hurt feelings later (and, if your co-parenting is civil enough, you may decide you can appear together at a Halloween event). When holiday routines are different because of divorce, it’s best to plan in advance.

Consider Different Halloween Plans

Let’s say you’ve decided to alternate some of the major holidays, and you’re missing out on trick-or-treating this year. Does your town have a Halloween parade on a different day? What about choosing the Sunday before Halloween, and taking the kids pumpkin picking? (You can even let them wear their costumes.) The point is Halloween memories come in different forms— time to get creative. And this goes for you too: make sure you have plans for the night of October 31^st if you think you’re going to miss your kiddos. Whether it’s a scary movie at home or a drink out with a friend, have something festive to do can ease the disappointment of not being with your kids. And if your divorce process is going smoothly enough, consider asking the custodial parent who has the costumed kids to let them trick-or-treat at your house. (Just remember to buy candy!)

Remember it’s about their feelings, and their memories. So much of processing divorce and navigating the emotional aspect of it is the realization that your family unity is no longer intact, and that everything changes. Try to focus on how your kids feel about a different Halloween (especially if this is a new divorce, as even bigger holidays are coming), and make sure they have a great time in costume and enjoying Halloween. Take plenty of photos, especially if they’re young— this is about their memories.

Everyone at O’Cathain Law Group wishes you a safe and spook-tacular Halloween season!